


The Dark Side

by Infinity (malecfeels)



Series: By Your Side [9]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec's past, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BDSM, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Bottom Magnus Bane, Caring, Dominant Alec Lightwood, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Evil Jonathan Morgenstern, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Good Parent Maryse Lightwood, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood in Love, Malec, Nightmares, Past Abuse, Present Loving Realtionship, Protective Magnus Bane, Road Trip, Submissive Magnus Bane, That doesn't go as planned, Top Alec Lightwood, Trigger Warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-11 11:14:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20152684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malecfeels/pseuds/Infinity
Summary: "This is clearly something that he needs to know. You will feel much better if you share this burden with him.”“I know….But what if…what if he feels differently about me after? What if he doesn’t want me anymore?”“Then he doesn’t deserve you. You are who you are. That will never change.”“You are right.”“But from what you have told me about him…I am going to place my bets on him. Because I trust you to fall for the right man.”...Alec finds himself going through a rough time. A failed trip with Magnus turns out to be just what he needed.





	The Dark Side

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys,  
Sorry for the wait. It is getting harder to write now cause a) We are nearing the end and b) I am moving to a new country for my further studies in less than a month! So I am very busyy!  
But I am in love with this series, and it is rare for me to love my own stories. So, I am writing whenever I get time and the damn block isn't hitting me! I hope to finish it off before I leave.
> 
> Thank you for the kind words (and the unkind). They all encourage me in their own ways. Hope you like this part. We delve into Alec's past with Jonathan! Its not pretty. 
> 
> WARNINGS: Past Abuse, Physical and Emotional Abuse, Hurt and Angst. TRIGGER WARNINGS. Pay Heed. 
> 
> There's also fluff and a little surprise in there, don't worry ;)

It was the same scene. As always.

The fire raged around him. He could feel the heat of the flames and the thick smell of smoke. It was clogging up his chest and his throat, making it difficult for him to breath.

But that was not the reason why he couldn’t breathe.

He had to find him. _He had to find him._

He walked and stumbled and crawled. And then he saw it.

The little hand was lying there on the dirty floor. It was the only thing that was visible.

The little hand covered in dark red blood amidst the growing darkness of the smoke and the fire.

* * *

“_Magnus_.”

Magnus woke up to darkness. There was a hand on his arm and a growing sense of despair and danger. Before his head could work, his trained body did.

He gripped the hand and turned, pinning the heavy body to the bed. With the ease of doing it countless of times, he pressed his arm to the sternum, partially cutting off the airway.

After a few seconds, the pain filled face registered in his mind and everything came back to him in a rush.

“Alexander.” He breathed out and felt an onslaught of guilt and fear. He quickly removed his arm and his weight from over him and was off the bed in seconds. “Fuck. Alec..I am so s-sorry. I am _sorry_.”

Alec coughed a little. His head was hunched but his hand came up in a pacifying gesture. “Magnus..it-s okay. It’s okay.”

“No no.” Magnus shook his head, berating and cursing himself. “I shouldn’t have done that. I didn’t mean to. I just..”

“You were having a nightmare.” Alec was now looking at him, his face a familiar mask of compassion and concern. “I am sorry, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have touched you like that. You acted on instinct.”

Magnus sighed, bringing a hand up to rub at his head. He was getting a nasty ache. “Don’t apologize. You were just trying to help me. Like always.” He bit his lip. “I didn’t hurt you too much, right?”

“Give me some credit, babe. I can bear a little roughhousing.” Alec commented lightly. His face softened further and he beckoned at him. “Come here, will you?”

Magnus stood for a few more seconds, still trying to get a handle on himself. Alec beckoned again and he went willingly. There was no use denying this man anything. He sighed contently as he sat beside Alec and felt him slip his arms around him. He soothed the area where he had pressed and placed a soft kiss.

“I really am sorry.” He whispered.

“Stop apologizing.” Alec said. “I am fine. Nothing drastic happened.” He waited a beat. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Magnus shuddered and shook his head. “No. I don’t want to. Please.”

“Okay.” Alec quickly relented. “Do you get them a lot? This is the first since we started spending nights together.”

Magnus leaned back a little. “I get them a lot. But never too severe like this. I guess…with everything that happened yesterday. It just dredged up all the bad memories.”

“Sorry.” Alec said genuinely. “If I can help with them…just tell me.”

Magnus looked into his gaze and saw the truth there. The concern and the honesty. God, how was he so lucky to have this man in his life?

The events from last night came to his mind. How Alec had taken care of him, how he had made him forget and relieved him of the deep cutting guilt and despair that would have eaten him up if he hadn’t helped him through it. He had never felt what he had felt last night with him. It had been overwhelming. And so very real.

“You always help me.” Magnus murmured, bringing up a hand to cup his cheek. “Last night…it was everything I never even knew I needed. You got me through it. It’s not going to go away so easily or quickly. But…it’s not so hard anymore either.”

Alec smiled softly. “I am very glad to hear that.” He paused. “Still wasn’t enough to stop the nightmares.” He continued a little remorse.

“Don’t think like that.” Magnus sighed. “I…that…it’s different. Trust me, they have gotten so much better since I met you. You have truly _helped_ me.”

“Okay.” Alec abided, pushing a strand of hair back his forehead. “It wasn’t too much for you, right? Last night?”

Magnus shook his head. “No. It was perfect. Thank you, again.”

“No thank you’s. I told you.” Alec said pointedly.

“Alright.” Magnus smiled and leaned forward to kiss him to show his gratitude in another acceptable way.

It was soft and gentle, a promise of reassurance and them being okay and together. Of making Magnus forget about his recurring nightmare and every bad feeling it brought with it.

They broke apart but kept close to each other, the proximity comforting and familiar now.

“What time is it?” Magnus asked, rubbing at his eyes. He couldn’t go back to sleep now.

Alec shifted a little to glance at the digital clock on the table. “Almost 6 now. Do you want to sleep some more?”

Magnus shook his head. “No. You sleep.” He said, starting to move away. “I need to take a shower.” They hadn’t cleaned up last night and now he was feeling sweaty and disgusting especially after the nightmare.

Alec started to pushed the covers off himself as well. “Nah. I get up at this time anyway.” He swept a hand through his mussed up hair. “I’ll join you. I need to apply some cream on your back. How does it feel now?”

Magnus did a quick mental check of his body and found it satisfyingly sore. His ass did hurt whenever it rubbed against the bed but it was a good pain. Nothing like all the other injuries he had gotten in his life. He looked assuredly at Alec, “It’s fine. Only sore.”

“You sure?”

Magnus smiled. “You could never hurt me, Alec. I told you that.”

Something flickered in his gaze, deep and unfamiliar. It was the same look he had caught yesterday once or twice. Magnus internally frowned. It wasn’t a look he had seen before on his face. Uncertainty and something else.

“Yeah. Okay.” Alec said, looking away and scratching the back of his head. “Go ahead. I’ll join you in a minute.”

Magnus bit his lip, thinking that he should say something. But decided against it. They had gone through something phenomenal last night. At least he was sure that Alec had as well. He himself felt a little shook just thinking about it.

“Okay.” Magnus smiled softly at him. He pecked him on the cheek and then got up and walked away to the bathroom.

Damn. His ass was sore as fuck. He definitely was going to limp through the week and there was no way he was going to be able to sit either.

But, there was no better reminder than this of what they had both shared together, Magnus thought with a satisfied smile.

* * *

An hour later, Magnus found himself reluctantly getting out of a big cozy bathtub. Sometimes he forgot that Alec was a rich man. And he had a rich man’s bathroom with a bathtub big enough to fit two of him. Or rather in his case, him and Alec. He didn’t realize he was missing out that particular bit of heaven in his life until he had it.

The water had been hot enough to relax all his sore muscles and calm him in a way he had never thought a mere bath could. And that was before Alec stepped in behind him and gently washed him down. It had been very intimate for Magnus and he had felt more exposed than ever. But not awkward. It was never awkward with Alec.

Magnus winced a little as he wrapped a fresh towel around his waist. His back felt marginally better after the hot bath. But there was still the lingering ache. Which he loved. He wished he had made Alec stay with him a little longer. But he knew then they never would have gotten out of the bathtub. The day was creeping over them and they couldn’t stay in their little bubble any more.

Alec had gone ahead to fix them breakfast and Magnus couldn’t wait to join him. He wanted to feast his gaze on both him and the breakfast. He hadn’t had anything since last evening and he was starving with all the rigorous activity he had gone through. He put on a robe that clearly belonged to Alec with its dark grey color and long sleeves that reached beyond his hands. It smelled of his musty wood scent and Magnus couldn’t help but bury his nose in the soft material to inhale it in.

Magnus internally shook his head in disbelief and wonder at his own antiques. Whatever Alec was doing to him, he was slowly changing to someone he barely understood. He wasn’t sure if it was a good or a bad thing.

Telling himself to stop thinking so much, Magnus started to make his way towards the kitchen. As he got closer, he smiled at the heavenly smell of something sweet and fresh. His stomach rumbled and he quickly rounded the corner to enter the kitchen.

Alec was standing at the stove holding a spoon in his hand. Instead of looking down though, his gaze was trained straight ahead. It was glazed, stuck in a place somewhere far away. A bubbling sound caught Magnus’ attention and he startled into motion as he saw whatever liquid was boiling in the container start to flow over.

“Alec!” He snapped as he quickly switched off the stove, pushing Alec a little out of way.

“Shit.” Alec jerked back into attention and he stirred the still frothing mixture. He turned towards Magnus, his gaze troubled. “Damnit. Sorry.”

“You okay?” Magnus asked concerned at the hassled look on Alec.

Alec put the spoon down and sighed. “Yes yes. I was just thinking..”

“Alexander.” Magnus put a gentle hand on his arm as he looked into his eyes. “If something’s bothering you…you can talk to me.”

Alec silently gazed at him for a few seconds, gauging the honesty in those words. “I know. It’s just…” he bit his lip. “I can’t right now. It’s nothing really. I am just feeling a little overwhelmed. After last night.”

Magnus felt his stomach drop a little. “Why? Did something go wrong? Did _I_ do something?”

Alec quickly shook his head. He completely turned towards him and gathered him in his arms. “No, Magnus. You did nothing wrong. It’s literally the opposite of it.” He bit his lip, appearing a little nervous. “You were _perfect_. Like always. I just…I have never felt like this before. It’s never been so real for me. And I guess that’s making me feel a little overwhelmed.”

Magnus breathed out, his heart thundering a little in his chest. Hearing those words that were so close to what he was himself going through. And it was a bit of a surprise for him to see Alec like this. Far from being confident and sure of what he was and what he wanted. It humbled him to see him like this. It showed how much of an impact Magnus had on him.

Alec swallowed hard and continued before Magnus could talk. “And believe me, it’s not a bad kind of overwhelmed. I wouldn’t _not_ go through what we did last night. It was for you. And I would do anything for you.” He said. “It just… brought back some old memories. Memories I had rather never ever think about.”

Magnus pressed a hand on his cheek, his heart clenching at the distant pain in his eyes. “Oh Alec…Do you want to talk about it? It can help.”

Alec clenched his eyes shut. “I _want_ to tell you…I can’t yet.”

Magnus knew that feeling. God, he knew it. And that made it worse. He knew how hard it was to keep feeling like that.

But he also knew he couldn’t push him.

“Hey.” He urged him to look at him. He smiled reassuringly when his dark gaze bore into his. “Okay. Just know that I am _here_ for you, okay? Whenever you are ready…whatever you need. I am here.”

Alec’s lips lifted in a small soft smile. He placed his palm over Magnus’ on his cheek. “Thanks. This is enough right now. You are enough.”

Magnus looked at him and the thought resonated within him as well. He had his own burden. His own share of bad memories. And he couldn’t even begin to think about sharing that with Alec. He couldn’t. He wasn’t ready to lose him or what they had.

And what they had was enough for him to get through each day. It was enough to bring a smile on his face and make him believe in himself more and more every day.

* * *

That night, Alec found himself tip toeing around in the shadows of his parents mansion well after everyone else had gone to sleep. He had tossed and turned around in his bed, feeling lonely and restless in a way he hadn’t felt in years. As much as he had tried, he hadn’t been able to stop his head from blowing up with memories that were old but still painful.

It was like a dam that had broken and no matter what he did, it wouldn’t stop.

So on a whim, he had left his cold home and made his way to his old house. It was his reprieve, full of happy memories to go along with the bad ones. He couldn’t explain it but anytime he had felt overwhelmed and sad, he had gone to there. To his old room. The last time had been many years back. So here he was lurking in the shadows silently so as to not alert his parents of his presence. They would good naturedly worry and he couldn’t handle that. Not right now.

He climbed the stairs and walked down the corridor till he reached the familiar mahogany door. The room inside was just the way he had left it all those years ago. He had tried telling his mom to turn it into a guest room or something else that was productive. But she had just rolled her eyes as if it were a preposterous idea. Alec was glad though. Stepping inside, he felt himself revert back to the young version of him. Someone who wasn’t naïve to the reality of the world but still held all the hope and happiness.

He breathed in the familiar scent of old books mingled with the musky smell of age. His mom made sure to keep it relatively clean but didn’t move anything around. His trophies and medals still adorned the entirety of one wall to the side. His shelves of books and meager toys were on the other side. His memories attached to all of them were still as clear as day to him. Those were the good times. He had still struggled with his identity and some rough high school years. But all of that had paved the way for him to be the successful confident man he was today.

Alec smirked humorlessly. He didn’t feel all that successful and confident right now.

He removed his jacket and draped it messily over the nearest table. He crawled into his bed with a relieved sigh, burrowing his head into a newer pillow. He felt himself relax into the covers, his mind silencing down at the comfort of it all.

Without any reason, his thoughts went to Magnus. He had gotten used to it by now. If there was any more comfort he found than this, it was in the thoughts of Magnus. He knew somewhere deep within that he wouldn’t have felt the need to come here if he had been with Magnus tonight. But when his hand had hovered over his name on his phone, he had hesitated. Facing him right now meant that he had to hide a part of him away. And that was everything he had not done from the first moment he laid eyes on him. Honesty on his part was such an integral part of their relationship. It was what had attracted and kept Magnus.

He wasn’t about to change and ruin it all now.

Magnus was also busy in his work after the fiasco with his ex. It had been tough for him to see that beautiful face get marred with tension and unease again as he returned back to the reality where he had just witnessed a horrible suicide. No amount of that night they shared would completely erase that. Only make it a tad easy to accept and get over. Magnus had to now deal with it on his own and Alec couldn’t interfere or stop him from doing that. He was worried about spending a night away from him like this. Wanted to be there for him. But he knew he would only work as a distraction from the real thing he had to face.

Alec sighed. He missed him terribly. He missed his face and his voice. And most importantly his touch. It grounded him in a way nothing else, even his own childhood bedroom did.

He closed his eyes and willed himself to drift off. He would see him tomorrow. And he would see him as the Alec he knew and trusted. Nothing less than that.

And if maybe he was a little lucky, he would see him earlier in his dreams tonight.

* * *

His home and his room did the trick. The next time he woke up was to the soft light of the morning dripping through the blinds. And with a distant memory of golden brown eyes piercing into his.

There was also a steaming cup of coffee sitting on his nightstand. He quirked his lips at his own cup he hadn’t used in years. He thought at least that would be thrown away.

Stretching languidly, he let out a happy sign as he felt the signs of his relaxed body and fresh mind. The last time he had slept this nicely was…the night before that with Magnus. He chuckled. He felt a flash of happiness at his thought and he now couldn’t wait till he heard his voice.

Pressing his phone open, he quickly thumbed his number by heart. The dial rang for a long time before Magnus’ rough voice came over the line.

“_Alec_?” He sounded a little surprised.

“Were you waiting for some other man to call you first thing in the morning?” Alec asked playfully.

There was shuffling sound. “It’s hardly the first thing in the morning.” Magnus yawned. “It’s 11.30.”

Alec’s eyes widened as he turned over and looked at the digital clock. “Shit. Wow. I didn’t realize that.” He couldn’t remember the last time he had overslept like this. He was always up very early even if he didn’t have any work to do. “Why are you still sleeping?” he asked concerned.

“Cause I slept at 7 in the morning.” Magnus’ voice sounded rough again.

Alec frowned. Was it because he couldn’t sleep? Damnit. He should have been there for him. “Magnus…”

“I was out working with Luke. That’s all.” Magnus said, somehow knowing his train of thoughts. “We were scoping out some locations. Retracing…Camille’s movements.”

Alec heard the heaviness in his tone. He sighed. “Any luck?”

Magnus let out a frustrated breath. “Nothing much. Found a few things. But I don’t know if it’s going to be of any help.”

“It’s okay.” Alec said softly.

“Enough about me.” Magnus cleared his throat. “Where have you been? All you sent was that text last night. I..uh was worried.”

Alec bit his lip, sitting up in his bed. “I am okay.” He said. “Sorry I know I was a little distant yesterday.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s completely fine.” Magnus quickly answered. “I just…missed you is all.” He continued quietly.

Alec felt his chest tighten with warmth. “I missed you too.” He paused for a few seconds. Then, “I am trying to get my head on straight here. I needed a little time.”

“I understand.” Magnus said honestly. “You know you can take as much time as you want.”

“I can’t.” Alec said with a small smile. “It is unbelievably hard to stay away from you.”

Magnus chuckled. “I think I know how you feel.” He said softly. “I want to help you…”

“You are.” Alec said truthfully. “Don’t worry about it, Magnus. I will meet you today, okay?”

“Sure?” Magnus asked. “You should take a rest day. Or something.”

“You are right.” Alec said, an idea forming in his head. “We should _both_ take one. Let’s go somewhere. Just the two of us.”

“Alec, I meant that _you_ need one.”

“All I need is you.”

Magnus went silent at that.

“Come on, Magnus. You have had some really shitty days. And I need to get away as well.” Alec reasoned. “We won’t go far. I know you have to work. But just one night, okay? Please?”

“Of course I would love to go away with you.” Magnus said, a smile in his voice. “Whatever you need.”

“Great.” Alec grinned. “Let me check up on a few things and I will get back to you, okay?”

“Okay.”

“You go back and have a few more hours of sleep now.” He ordered.

“I am good. I should get some work done now that I won’t be here.”

“Magnus.” Alec said. “You won’t be getting any sleep tonight so you might as well get some now.” He said cheekily.

Magnus chuckled. “And you call me insatiable.” He commented lightly. “Fine. I will do _exactly_ as you tell me.”

“That’s more like it.” Alec said, licking his lips. Damn but he wanted the man right now. It was crazy how much of an effect he had on him with mere words and that smooth voice.

“Goodbye Alec. I am really looking forward to this.”

“Me too.” Alec said happily.

It was going to be one hell of a trip.

* * *

After a quick shower and fresh up, Alec made his way down towards the delicious smell wafting from the kitchen. It was the same routine he followed when he was 16 and getting ready for school. His mom stood in her familiar position at the stove, making breakfast. Despite having maids in the house, she had always insisted to make breakfast for her kids. To spend that valuable time in the morning with them.

Alec leaned against the doorway and just soaked it all in.

“You know, I can’t remember the last time I did this.” Maryse Lightwood commented first, her back still to him. “It was definitely never at this hour at least.”

“Sorry?” Alec said sheepishly, making his way towards her.

“You also know that I am always waiting to have these chances again. They are so hard to come by these days.” She continued, turning her head towards him with a smile. “Like _you_.”

“Ouch.” Alec grinned. He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “Good morning, Mom.”

“Morning, sweetheart.” She greeted back. “Did you drink the coffee I left?”

Alec nodded. “I don’t get why you still have that mug though. Is it even hygienic to use anymore?”

Maryse rolled her eyes. “Of course it is. It’s one of your birthday gifts! You used to love it.”

“Like _years_ back.” Alec commented. “I think I have outgrown it.”

“You will always be my little smart kid.” Maryse smiled, pressing a hand on his arm. “You are never outgrowing that one.”

Alec huffed good naturedly. “You will never let me.”

“And it looks like you haven’t outgrown your bed yet, have you?” Maryse asked, giving him her famous side eye. Just the right amount of casual and concern.

Alec sighed, scratching the back of his head. He knew it was coming. “I was out working late last night. This was closer than my apartment so I crashed here early morning.” The lie was easy. But never with his mom.

“Why don’t you leave the bullshitting to your siblings? You never could get it right with me.” She said casually. “Besides, do you think I wouldn’t notice someone getting in our house in the dead of the night and lurking in the shadows?”

Alec winced. “You saw me?”

“I was holding a bat, my dear. I was ready to club you with it until I saw who it was.”

Alec’s eyes widened. “What, really? Damn. You should have called dad. Or security.”

“You think I can’t handle myself?” Maryse raised an eyebrow.

“I meant, security for the _intruder_. I pity the poor guy.” Alec phrased. He paused. “It’s all good right? You aren’t getting paranoid..? I know Dad increased security…since.” He lifted his shoulder unable to go further.

Maryse smiled softly. There was sadness in her eyes. “Everything is good. I just like to be cautious is all. With your dad sleeping like a log, I have to be.”

“Well, he _is_ getting old.” Alec said lightly.

“Don’t let him hear you say that.”

“Of course not.”

Maryse switched off the stove and rubbed her hands on her apron. “Come now. Have a seat. I made your favorite breakfast.”

“Thanks. I am starving.” Alec said gratefully.

“And you can tell me what is up with you.”

“Mom..”

“Alec.”

Alec sighed. His mom knew him better than anyone. She knew he needed this. Despite whatever he felt, he always told her everything. She was always the first person he told. Except when he had come out. He had been so scared for his parents reactions that he had first reluctantly talked to his sister, Izzy about it. His sister was another great woman in his life. They were the two people who were his emotional support for everything in his life.

“Sweetie.” Maryse cut in his troubled thoughts. “Just talk to me. You know it will make you feel better.”

“I know, Mom.” He said. He just didn’t want to worry her. “I told you about this guy, right?”

“Magnus.” Her face split in a huge smile. “Yes. You have to bring him over, Alec.”

“Jeez. All I told you was that ‘he’s different’.” Alec said pointedly.

“And that was enough.” Maryse said firmly. “How is it going between you two? Are you treating him right?” she continued fiercely.

“Of course!” Alec said indignantly. “He is the best thing that has ever happened to me.” His cheeks reddened at the words. He hadn’t meant to be that up front.

Maryse’ smile grew impossibly more. “Oh Alec. That is amazing. I am _so_ happy for you.”

“Okay, mom.” Alec ducked his head, feeling flustered. “It’s going…good between us. I mean we have our rough spots. He..he leads a complicated life. He has it hard..” he felt his chest tighten. Mere words couldn’t describe how much Magnus suffered.

“You are no stranger to tough times.” Maryse said softly. “You know you can get him through it. Be by his side.”

“I want to be.” Alec said. “Mom, it’s unreal how much I want to be by his side. I want to help him. Every way I can.”

“Is that what’s scaring you?”

Alec shook his head. “It doesn’t scare me. Committing to him…it feels right.”

Marsye smiled. “Then what is it?”

“I wonder…if I am the right man for him.” Alec murmured.

“Why would you think like that?” Maryse took a seat beside him and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “You are the best man, Alec. He would be lucky to have you.”

Alec swallowed hard, looking down at the table. “We share an intense bond. It’s more than what I usually do, you know?” he looked at her and she nodded in understanding. She knew all about his lifestyle. “Magnus is…fragile. Not in any physical or emotional way. But the life he leads…it makes him vulnerable. And he _trusts_ me. I am scared of that. I am scared of doing something wrong. Of hurting him. I _can’t_ have that.”

“Alec..” Maryse placed a hand on his cheek and turned his face towards her. “In all of your life, I have seen you do the right things. And the bad. I have seen you make mistakes. But what is so special about you is that you learn from this mistakes. You can’t _always_ be right. Why are you so worried about this all of a sudden? You two understand each other, right?”

“We do. He is always so understanding and giving.” Alec said. “I just…” he gritted his teeth. “I keep thinking about…about what I went through. I have managed to keep it away for so long now. But now…it’s all coming back. And shit, it’s scaring me.” He clenched his eyes shut in shame.

“Oh sweetheart.” Maryse shifted closer to him. “Look at me.” She ordered softly. She smiled assuredly as his gaze bored into hers. “What you went through…it has defined you in all the right ways. It has made you what you are today. Have you never thought of _why_ you take in all these men under you and show them the right way of it?”

Alec bit his lip uncertainly.

“Because you want to show them the right way of it. So that they never go through what you did.” Maryse whispered fiercely. “And that is who you are.” He placed her palm over his heart. “And it’s okay to be scared. If he is making you feel this deeply…it’s a _good_ thing.”

“Really?”

“Of course. What, you will stay away from him because you are scared? Can you do that?”

“No.” Alec said firmly.

“You just have to find that way together. Yes, it will be tough for you. But if he’s willing to go through with you…”

Alec dropped his gaze.

“Is he not?” Maryse asked softly.

“I-I don’t know.” Alec bit his lip. “I know he wants me. But…he holds himself so far from me. He has his secrets. Something terrible that happened to him…”

“Then you just have to give him time.” Maryse said smiling. “Show him your honesty and patience. If he is the right man for you…he will come to you.”

“You think so?”

“I am your mother. I know so.” She said. “And _you_ should tell him. This is clearly something that he needs to know. You will feel much better if you share this burden with him.”

“I know…” Alec said. “But what if…what if he feels differently about me after? What if he doesn’t want me anymore?”

“Then he doesn’t deserve you.” Maryse said simply. “You are who you are. That will never change.”

Alec breathed out loudly. “You are right.”

“But from what you have told me about him…I am going to place my bets on him. Because I trust you to fall for the right man.” She smiled.

Alec jerked a little in surprise. _Fall_?

“Uh..yeah.” He said quickly, looking away a little. “I hope you are right.”

“Maybe you being honest with him might make him feel enough at ease to share his own burdens.” Maryse continued.

“I hope so.” Alec said, smiling gratefully at her. “Thank you, Mom. For everything.”

Maryse ruffled his hair in a familiar motion. “What are mother’s for if not to set their children straight?” she quipped and then laughed. “That came out _so_ wrong.”

Alec laughed along with her. “If you had set me straight, I wouldn’t be this situation.”

“And if you hadn’t been in this situation then you would have been a miserable rich business man with a fake blonde wife.” She shuddered at that. “Thank angel you are not.”

Alec felt a bloom of happiness and warmth in his chest as he looked at the incredible woman in front of him. Thank the angel really. He was lucky.

To have both her and Magnus in his life right now. He would have her forever, now he only had to work to have _him_ forever too.

Which reminded him.

“Hey Mom?” He asked. “Is the lake house available? I have been meaning to take a trip out there.”

* * *

**Hours Later**

“You know, this is exactly what I imagined it would look like.” Magnus announced as he stood in front of the car.

“Huh?” Alec asked, peeking his head above the bonnet. “What?”

“A rich man’s ‘lake house’.”

Alec narrowed his eyes. “Are you making fun of me?”

Magnus bit his lip, trying to stop the smile that was breaking out. “Not at all. It sure looks like it, right?” he pointed towards the lone cabin in the woods.

It sure as hell did not. Neither had Magnus imagined it to be like that when Alec had told him earlier that day about his family lake house and how it would be the perfect place to spend a night away from civilization. Magnus had been a little hesitant in the start but he soon agreed to the temptation of having a little recluse away from life. And to have Alec all to himself.

And he wasn’t going to say no to staying in a big furnished mansion beside a lake.

Their little trip was going perfectly except for that one last thing.

Damn cars for breaking down at the most unfortunate times and places.

“Remind me again, whose brilliant idea was it to take the shortcut?” Alec snipped, hunched down over the open bonnet again.

“You told me to choose one of your fingers!”

“Because you told me it would be a fun and easy way to choose.”

Magnus rolled his eyes. “It _is_ a fun and easy way to choose. Just not regarding roads and unknown shortcuts.” He muttered. “Besides, how would I know your ancient car would die on us like this?”

“Ancient?” Alec squeaked. “This is a top new model that only about twenty people get to use in the entire state.”

“Which translates to a foreign new car that no one would be able to repair if it breaks down in the middle of the road.”

“I _can_ repair it.” Alec said. Then muttered under his breath. “If only I knew what was wrong with it.”

Magnus resisted another urge to laugh. He knew Alec would not appreciate it. “Did you check for a signal?”

“Not getting it yet.” Alec shook his head. “You?”

“No.” Magnus checked his display and sighed at the little cross on the bars. “It looks like we are in a no range zone.”

“We didn’t even come that far from the city.” Alec huffed.

“It does look like we dropped off the map onto some backroads countryside.” Magnus said looking around himself. There was only one road that they were on. Brown and green trees surrounded them on either sides. There was just that one dilapidated cabin and some pathways that led off to unknown places. They hadn’t even come across any food stalls or homes for the past half an hour.

“You do know where we are exactly?” Magnus asked.

Alec rolled his eyes. “Yes of course. I mean…I have never been on this route before. But I know the general direction.”

“Great.” Magnus said. “So what do we do now?”

Alec shut the bonnet with a sigh and walked around towards him. “We need to get a signal to tow this junk.”

“Shh. She will hear it. Be sensitive.” Magnus widened his eyes and cupped a hand over the car.

Alec’s lips quirked even as he shook his head. “You called her ancient not five minutes ago. And _her_?”

Magnus shrugged. “I have deep respect for cars and men.”

“Anyway. As I was saying, we should either wait for some other car to pass. Or start walking to get a signal.”

“I haven’t seen a single car since we started on this route. It’s a one way.” Magnus mused looking back from where they came. It was empty as far as they could see. “I think we should start walking. The weather’s nice.”

“Are you making fun of me again?” Alec sighed. “It is my fault I know. I am sorry.”

“Hey no.” Magnus said quickly. He placed his hand on his arm. “It’s no one’s fault. We wouldn’t have known any of this. Besides, I am serious about the weather. It would be a nice walk. Look at the location. Surely your lake house wouldn’t be as nice as this.” He teased.

“It is better than this.” Alec deadpanned. He looked around though and couldn’t help but agree with Magnus on that. “But it’s not secure. It’s not a good idea to just wander around here like this.”

“Don’t be scared. You have a badass cop to protect you.”

“Ex-cop.”

“Who still kicks ass better than any other cop in the city.”

Alec smiled. “You are right about that one.” He felt the smile slip off again. “I really am sorry. I wanted to give you a good night away from everything. This is…this sucks.”

“Alexander.” Magnus stepped closer to him, cupping his cheek. “Don’t be an idiot. It isn’t your fault. And we _both_ needed this trip. And look, nothing’s ruined. We are on a road trip, there’s no one around…just us. It’s all we need, right?”

“Yeah.” Alec felt his lips stretch in a smile again. “Wouldn’t have taken you to look at the bright side of things.”

“I am good at improv.” Magnus shrugged. “Nothing in my life goes as planned. But can’t complain about this. It always works out with you.”

“I am glad to hear that.” Alec murmured. He gathered him close and leaned down towards him.

Magnus met his approaching lips in a sound kiss. Yes. It did always work out with him. No matter what happened.

* * *

It was starting to get a little dark as the day began to set. They would have reached the lake house by now. They had walked a solid hour and some more. And they were still on the same stretch of road. It seemed never ending.

But Magnus had not noticed it as much. Time seemed to pass so easily with Alec. Alec had been jittery at first, eyes training cautiously everywhere for non-existent threats. Magnus had watched amused as he had tried to cajole him into relaxing and enjoying their surroundings. After half an hour and a make out session right in the middle of the road, he finally had.

They had walked, hands entwined and jumped from one topic to the next. Magnus had always been amazed on how conversation flowed so easily between them. He was the sort of person who wasn’t into a lot of talking, be it senseless or important. But with Alec…it was as if he had known him forever and there was no awkwardness or barriers between them. He couldn’t remember the last time he had done this. Walk with someone and feel this relaxed and at ease.

Maybe it was that time he had gone on the first date with Alec, he thought amusedly.

“What?”

He snapped out of his thoughts at Alec’s question. He raised his brows at him.

“Why are you smiling?” Alec clarified.

“Ah” Magnus bowed his head. “Nothing. I was just thinking back to our first date.”

Alec’s face filled with pleasure. “Really? What about it?”

“I was trying to remember when was the last time that I had walked and talked with so much ease with anyone. Just felt this…relaxed.” Magnus said.

“Then you thought back to when I walked you back home after the dinner.” Alec finished.

“Yeah.” Magnus smiled. “It was not that long ago, you know. Our first date.”

“Yet it seems like a lot of time has passed since we have been together.” Alec continued his thoughts. Like he always knew what he was thinking.

“I feel closer to you.” Magnus whispered. His hands wrung together, still feeling that bout of nervousness when talking about things like this. “Somehow, in only a few weeks…”

“I know how you feel.” Alec whispered back.

Magnus let the comfortable silence linger between them. Their steps fell in sync beside each other. “It’s mostly because you have been so persistent.” He said lightly.

Alec grinned. “I have heard that before. Are you complaining?”

Magnus shook his head. “No. I admire that about you. No, I _respect_ that about you. Your honesty…it was something I needed. And you gave it to me without even knowing.”

Alec’s gaze deepened with naked emotion. “Magnus…you make me sound like a saint. I have always only felt the need to remain true. And not hide myself from anyone.”

“And that’s what makes you a saint. Not everyone has that kind of courage.” Magnus said, feeling the words resonate deep within himself. Alec had no idea how much he himself wished to be more like him. To have that courage again to be truly himself. To not have that darkness in him, stopping him at every turn. If he could just….

Magnus let the thoughts drift away from him. He couldn’t get sucked in that darkness now. Not when this time with Alec felt so priceless and precious.

And especially not when Alec looked like that. His face had deepened into worry and stress. Something disturbed in his gaze. Magnus felt his heart twist at the unfamiliar expression.

“What is it?” He asked softly.

Alec sighed, bowing his head. “Nothing I just…”

It was what was bothering him so much for the past few days, Magnus realized with a start.

“I am sorry, Alexander if I reminded you about something you were trying not to.” Magnus said, biting his lip.

Alec shook his head. “Don’t be. It’s been on my mind constantly for a while now.” He said.

“I wish I could help you.”

“You can.” Alec said. “I want to tell you all about it.”

Magnus’ eyes widened a little in surprise. “You sure? I don’t want you to feel like you have to.”

“No its…it’s because of you that I have been having trouble facing it.” Alec admitted. “It was a long time ago and it doesn’t use to _affect_ me anymore. Not until…not until you came along.”

“Alexander…” Magnus said, his heart thudding. “I never wanted you to feel like this…”

Alec smiled suddenly. “My mother actually said that it’s a good thing. You making me feel this deeply.”

Magnus turned a surprised gaze. “You told your mother about me?”

“Yeah, a little.” Alec replied. “I didn’t tell her about the whole Jonathan thing…she will worry.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Is that okay?” Alec asked slowly.

“Of course. You are close to your family, Alec. That’s a wonderful thing.”

_Wish I had that as well…_

“Yeah. They have always been there for me. Especially my mother.” Alec said fondly. “She told me that I should talk to you about it all. And I have been meaning to even before she said it. I just couldn’t find the right…time.”

“And this is it?” Magnus gestured at the deserted road around them.

“I don’t want to keep it away any more. You told me that my honesty is what started and kept this relationship.” Alec said steadily. “I don’t want to have to hide myself from you.”

“That’s right. You don’t have to.” Magnus whispered. “And you don’t have to worry about what I would think about you either. Never that.” He saw that he had hit that point. He knew Alec was struggling with the same reasons as him.

And he knew from the bottom of his soul that his perceptions of Alec wouldn’t change.

If only he could know that Alec felt the same, he thought sadly. But this wasn’t about him now.

“That means a lot.” Alec whispered. He looked around himself and then held out a hand. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“Just here.” Alec motioned at the side of the road. There was a small flat rock. “Sit.”

Magnus chuckled. “I can’t believe we are just going to sit here on the side of an abandoned road.”

“Me neither. Before we die because of a wild animal or something, I would like to tell you everything.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

There was only space for one person on the rock, so Alec came to sit on the road in front of him. He didn’t seem to care one bit about his relatively expensive pants coming in contact with all the dirt around them. His focus was solely on Magnus as he settled down, leaning sideways on him. “Comfortable?” Magnus quipped.

“So much more than my bedroom at the lake house.” He almost sounded serious. He folded his knees together and dropped his gaze down, taking a deep breath.

“Tell me.” Magnus said softly, brushing a hand through his soft hair.

“I told you about how Jonathan’s father and mine worked together all those years ago. I was 15 when I first met him. 16 when I started dating him…” Alec started. “I somehow knew he was not a good guy. There was something so disturbing about him. But I was struggling with my identity. Those were some tough years and for the first time I thought I couldn’t rely on my family to be there for me. With Dad’s company and reputation, I thought he wouldn’t want his first born to be _gay_.”

“I was so alone. And he was there. This older stronger and confident man that I looked up to. He was smart. Never saw it for the cunningness that it was.”

Magnus had words of reassurances building up in him. But he kept quiet. He had to let Alec get it all out. It seemed like there was a lot more to the story.

“He told me that he accepted me for who I was. That he understood what I was going through. And that he _wanted_ me to be with him. And god…I was so relieved to hear that. It wasn’t happiness or desire. Just a sense of relief to be with someone who understood me. And so I agreed. To everything he said.”

Magnus swallowed hard. “What did you agree to?”

“He was older and I hadn’t much experience. I didn’t know what was right or wrong.”

Magnus’ hands shook a little. “What did he do?”

“It was just sex at the beginning. He was…he was my first.” Alec’s voice was a hush, distant in past memories. “It’s hard to believe but he was in a way…considerate. He did it the right way. My first time. It was rough and it hurt like hell. But that’s what I thought all first times are like.”

“They are not. You can’t call that considerate.” Magnus said vehemently.

“It wasn’t rape.” Alec said bluntly. “It was everything else. But he had my consent. I was scared. But I was determined to do it. I didn’t stop him.” He let out a breath. “He didn’t _care_ for me. All he cared about was himself. I got used to it.”

Magnus was about to say something when Alec started again. “It was later…when I became his submissive.”

“What?” Magnus asked, shocked. There was more to this horrible story?

“It’s all a blur really. How it started…why I agreed. By that time I had really come to depend on him. It was pitiful. I couldn’t resist going back to him again and again.” Alec said, his voice filled with disgust. “I knew about BDSM. I had researched it. I wasn’t an idiot. But there was just something about him…it made me lose all my inhibitions, all my instinct. That’s what the lifestyle does to you when you go in deep.”

“Alexander…” Magnus felt his voice crack. “You were just a kid.”

“A naïve one at that. And he took advantage of it.” Alec said steadily. “He used me as another one of his toys. To take out his insanity. His rage. He never fucked me like that. He never crossed that limit. But…he would do everything else. I wouldn’t know the difference between a scene or a punishment. Because it always hurt. And it always made me feel small and insignificant."

Magnus clenched his eyes shut. He couldn’t hear this. It was too painful. “Alec…what about safewords?” he was almost afraid to ask.

“That’s the thing. He always stopped when I used the safe word.” Alec smirked humorlessly. “But me using them was so rare…cause I was never sane enough to understand the power it held. He always beat me down till I was just a pliant toy for him to use. I was young and inexperienced. I wanted to _please_ him. I was scared of him tossing me away. So I did everything he told me.”

“It went on for a better part of two years. I don’t know what happened but by the end of it, I started to rebel. Started to get a hold of myself because I had stopped recognizing myself. Somewhere deep down, I knew I was doing the wrong thing and that I was losing myself. I turned towards my family. Something I should have done in the first place.” Alec paused then, letting out a deep breath. “My dad was butting heads with Valentine around the same time. It all came to a blow when I came out and revealed everything.”

“What happened then? You told me it took you some years to truly get away from him?”

Alec nodded. “He was furious. Valentine was pushed into a corner because of my Dad, so he packed up everything and left with Jonathan. But he wouldn’t let go of me. When you form that kind of a connection, it’s always two ways. And in a toxic relationship like ours…He would stalk me. Call me. Meet me. My dad put up a restraining order. That stopped him for a while. But he was never really away from me. In my thoughts, and my dreams. I felt like I was going crazy.”

Magnus gripped his shoulder tightly, feeling the strain in them. Alec was so tense. Magnus himself felt like he would fall apart at the slightest nudge. But he couldn’t. He had to be here for him. “I can’t imagine what it would have been like.”

Alec turned a little towards him. “It took many years. All my important years of life. But I slowly got over it. Therapy…my family and friends. I started to pour myself into studies and work. Kept myself busy. I didn’t think about him or my past. He also stopped after a while.”

“Alexander.” Magnus tangled his fingers in his hair gently. “Why did you go back to the lifestyle?”

Alec was silent for a few seconds. “I don’t know exactly. It was in me.” He shrugged. “I wanted to do it. It made me feel in control. Being a dominant. I could never be a submissive again. And I wanted to help other people like me. It seemed foolish at first. But being that way, it gave me a reprieve…an identity.”

“And you helped all those people so that they wouldn’t go through what you did.” Magnus murmured, his heart filling with an indescribable emotion.

“Magnus…I found out when I became a dominant again that what happened with me? It wasn’t a rare occurrence. It happens with so many people. They always get the wrong idea about BDSM. There are so many misgivings…people abuse it for the power, to feel supreme over the lesser ones. It has the capability to destroy you emotionally more than physically. It made me _sick_. I can’t change it all. But I tried as much as I could. I can’t pretend I didn’t do it for me. I gained from being a dominant.”

“You have the best heart out of all them, Alexander.” Magnus whispered, bending down and placing a kiss on his head. “You suffered and you broke. But you stood back up again. And you have let it make you into the honorable man you are today. You should never ever excuse yourself when it comes to looking out for your _own_ self.”

Alec shifting closer, by now he was leaning heavily on Magnus. He wouldn’t have it any other way. To see this bitter horrible past of Alec, who had to pay a high price to be the man he was today. It broke his heart, made him feel this insane urge to destroy Jonathan in a way he hadn’t felt before despite everything.

“It has to be fate that brought you to me.” Magnus said. “I have never needed more incentive to bring down Jonathan. But now after what you told me…there is no doubt. I am going to _destroy_ him. For you and for me and all those other people he has hurt all his life, I will stop him.” His voice had taken a cold hard tone. He rarely ever showed his rage. Never before Alec. He would damn himself to hell for Alec. He knew that for sure.

“And I will help you.” Alec said steadily. “I will help you take him down.”

“No Alec…” Magnus said, his tone softening in the next breath. “It was a mistake getting you in this. After everything you have told me…it was right of you to stay as far away from this as possible. I will _not_ let you anywhere near him.”

“And neither will I.” Alec’s voice was fierce as he turned to look at him. His face was etched in deep shadows and stress of remembered past. But the fire and determination was there as well like always. “I am done running, Magnus. I am done hiding in the shadows. Because I might have stood back up again and gotten over it all, but when it comes to the _real_ things…he still has a hold on me. T-That past still has a hold on me.”

A troubled look came over him, his hands shaking just a tiny bit. Alarmed, Magnus gripped them in his tightly and looked into his shining eyes, “What do you mean?”

Alec swallowed hard, “All of my partners, I have never been as…_intimate_ with them as I have been with you. There was never any real connection or bonding. And that was fine, that was what I wanted.” He said, not quite looking at him. “But the other night, we both went in deep…and when I had to punish you...I hated it, Magnus. I hated that I was hurting you. I couldn’t keep my emotions out of it. I couldn’t do it right.”

Magnus flashed back to that scene, to what he had felt through it all. “But you _did_ do it right. You gave me exactly what I needed. I needed that punishment. Or else I would have been more hurt, right?”

“I _know_. But..” Alec tightened his grip. “It’s always been easy for me to be a dominant. It’s where I feel comfortable and in control. But with you…it’s like I am doing it all for the first time all over again. And even that would be fine. But what scares the hell out of me is that…is that I might _hurt_ you. That I would do it all wrong and end up hurting you. Like Jonathan. I can’t do that, Magnus. I _can’t_.”

Magnus couldn’t believe what he was hearing. This was probably the last thing he would have thought. It was not the abuse, it was not the aftermath and it was not Magnus’ own shitty past that had Alec conflicted and worried. It was this errant thought that he would hurt Magnus because of his own past wounds that had him looking so sad and broken.

“_Alexander_.” Magnus uttered his name helplessly. He was a little lost for words.

Alec looked up at him again. “It’s never been this real for me. I never wanted to feel like this for anyone after what happened to me. But it did. And I wouldn’t want it any other way. I just…feel scared of what I might do…or if deep down I am that damaged because of everything and I just didn’t know about it because I never let myself feel this way.”

“No..stop.” Magnus pressed a finger to his mouth, clenching his eyes shut. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes to look at him again. He shuffled down from the rock, so that he was closer to Alec. He looked deep into his eyes, which showed deep conflict and fear. Something Magnus never thought suited on him. But he realized now this just showed how _human_ he was.

“Alexander.” He started, keeping his voice soft but underlined with strength. “I would tell you that you are an idiot to think and be afraid like this.” He chuckled a little. “But that’s what so special about you. The fact that you care so much. That despite everything you have been through, you haven’t lost that human part of you. And someone like me… someone so ordinary and complicated can affect you to that extent.”

“You are not ordinary.” Alec cut in. “And I don’t mind the complicated part.”

“See? This is what I am talking about.” Magnus shook his head fondly. “Making everything about me or someone else when it should be about _you_. You care so much. You make the other person feel so damn special. Even if they don’t deserve it.” He put up a finger to his lips. “Shh. Let me speak. Alexander, what you went through is horrible and vile. What you became is a survivor and the best one at that. But you can’t possibly hope that you will be rid of it completely. Something like that stays on for life, whether you want it or not. That doesn’t make you _damaged. _It hasn’t stopped you from taking risks in life and doing what you want and it shouldn’t now. Not with me…” he whispered. “You can’t be scared of feeling too deep or making mistakes with me. Because as much as you try, it will happen in some way or the other. We are still trying to figure each other out, right?”

“But will you put up with that?” Alec asked, voice low. “With all that I was and all that I am?”

“I am damn lucky that I get to put up with you in any small way.” Magnus said. He smiled, “You have _no_ idea how lucky I am. I cannot promise you much, but I can tell you this…you are an incredibly good man with a good big heart. All your scars, all your wrongs, they just make you who you are. And if along the road, you do make some mistakes or lose a part of yourself? I’ll be there to right it. I’ll be there to support you and get you back on your feet. Because there is no doubt you will. In the end when it counts the most… Alexander, you will _always_ make it right. So don’t let the past haunt anymore or the fear control you. Embrace it and control it like you do everything else.”

Magnus was quite surprised at his own admission. He didn’t really know where the words had come from or this overbearing sense of emotion, all he had known was to comfort this drowning man in front of him. He knew a part of what he felt, his innermost feelings of turmoil and conflict. He knew how the past always stuck with you and haunted you. How the fear dictated every step of your life.

It was unbearable and more so was the knowledge that Alec had to go through it as well. He couldn’t have that. He couldn’t be the reason for that.

“Alexander?” Magnus questioned softly. Alec was looking at him steadily, his eyes glazed over and his face set in deep thought. But his focus was solely on him.

Finally he moved, leaning closer and closer till they were hair’s breadth apart. He pressed his forehead to his and just breathed for a few seconds. Magnus felt something shift between them, just like the earth was moving under their feet. It was the same visceral feeling he got with Alec at times. Which he knew was reflected in him as well. Like they were going through something monumental together.

“Magnus.” Alec breathed his name. It was soft, like a caress. He paused again. Then, “I love you.”

Magnus froze. The three words hammered straight to his soul. He heard them, but he couldn’t truly decipher it.

_Alec said ‘I love you.’_

_Alec said he loved me_

His breath that was stuck somewhere in his chest left him in a whoosh. “Alexander..” he helplessly whispered.

“I do.” Alec for all he was confessing looked absolutely steady and calm. Like it didn’t shake him to the core. “I think I have loved you since the moment I first laid eyes on you.”

“I-I…” Magnus couldn’t think. His head was spinning.

“You don’t have to say it back.” Alec said truthfully. “I am saying this for _me_. I am not letting the fear control me or the past haunt me anymore. _You_ give me that strength. I understand that you are still trying to figure us out. And I want to give you that time. This is what I truly feel. And I don’t want to hide away from it.”

Magnus shuddered, the words hitting him with more force he had ever endured. Alec’s words were always like that. Never hurting with its impact, but shaking the very ground he stood on. He looked at his intense face, so open and honest. He played the words over in his head. So sure and earnest. He nowhere near possessed that kind of courage. But being with Alec all this time now…he knew Alec had enough for the both of them.

And now that it was all in open, he could see it as clear as day. There was never any doubt.

“I love you too.” Magnus whispered.

It was indescribable to see the light bloom in Alec’s eyes when he said it. A smile slowly appeared on his glowing face. “You sure?” he asked, voice so soft.

Magnus nodded, unaware that he was smiling as well. “I think I have loved you since that first day I pissed you off.”

Alec laughed then, a happy sound and leaned forward to smash his lips against his in a messy kiss. Magnus was already halfway there and he kissed him with all he had. He couldn’t make sense of the overbearing happiness that was flowing through him. He couldn’t make sense of anything really except for the man in his arms and the knowledge of what they shared now. He hardly recognized his own self.

_Was this really happening to him?_

“I can’t believe this.” Magnus murmured against his lips.

“Me neither.” Alec replied, pressing his forehead against his. “I would have given you all the time you needed. I would have waited for you.”

“I know.” Magnus said, clenching his eyes shut at the burst of emotions. “I may not be sure about a lot of other things. But I am sure about this. About you.”

Alec smiled his brilliant smile which somehow seemed even brighter now. “I thought I was going crazy…falling for you so quickly.” He admitted.

“Not just you.” Magnus smiled. He cupped his cheek gently, thoughts swirling in his head. “Alexander…” he hesitated a bit.

His face immediately clouded over. “What is it?”

“Thank you for sharing all of that with me. I know it must have been hard.” Magnus said, caressing the warm skin under his hand. “You are the bravest man I have ever met.”

Alec blushed, ducking his head a little. “I wanted you to know. Yes, it was hard because I didn’t know how you would react. I didn’t _feel_ brave, you know? I just felt suffocated because of it.”

_I know how you feel, _Magnus thought despairingly. He hung his head, his grip loosening.

“Magnus?” Alec inquired softly.

“I love you.” He whispered, looking down at their close bodies. “But there’s still so much you don’t know about me.”

There was a heavy silence. Alec gripped his chin and made him look at him. His gaze was intense as he said, “It wouldn’t change what I feel.”

“Don’t say that. You can’t mean that.” Magnus bit his lip.

“I wish you could tell me too. Everything.” Alec said. “I would listen to everything you say. And I wouldn’t judge you. Just like you didn’t.”

“I am not a helpless victim in my story, Alec.” Magnus said bitterly. He sniffed, the familiar dark emotions rising in him. “It’s different.”

“That’s only your own opinion.” Alec shook his head. “I would change your mind if you could just tell me.”

“Soon.” Magnus promised. He wouldn’t lose this love, not when he had just gotten it. “For the first time, I want to tell someone. I really do. I just need some time.”

“I will wait.” Alec said smiling. “After all we have a lot of time, don’t we?”

Magnus had never hoped for something more in his entire life. He wanted more time. Alec was making him hope for a forever when mere weeks ago he hadn’t thought about any future he could have.

“We do.” Magnus said, mustering as much hope and reassurance as he could.

He didn’t have a lot to fight for in his life. He had a vengeance, a mission.

But now looking at Alec, he could see more to life than that. With some miracle, he could have it. He could hope and dream and be someone he once was.

He only had to get rid of the demons of his past. And as much as he wanted it, he had to do it alone. He could lean on Alec, he could be by his side.

But at the end of it, he knew he had to do it all on his own.

And this time, he _would_.

* * *

Unbeknownst to them, far on the opposite side of the road and among the thick canopy of trees, something clicked and rustled.

They were so wrapped up in each other, they wouldn’t notice it. They wouldn’t notice the crunch of leaves or the rhythmic waft of dust.

They wouldn’t know for all the time they sat together and even long after they were rescued by an errant driver on the road.

They wouldn’t know.

But soon they would.

* * *

TBC

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah. Sorry about that little thing. 
> 
> BUTTT, Aren't I very very good? I said I would make them confess after a whole lotta wait and drama and tears. But I didn't.   
Or rather my hands didn't. I swear I have no control over them once they get started.  
But it feels at the right time, right? I am quite satisfied with how this part turned out.   
I hope y'all learned a little from this as well. It really is a sensitive issue and it should not be taken lightly ever. Be aware. Be cautious. 
> 
> Please tell me what you think. Always love to read the lovely comments. Thank you to everyone who is following this series.  
The end is not so far :)


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